well wow would you believe that my heart could break more.... well it just did with a simple email. i'm so fucking done, i've got to be the only guy ever to fall for a girl that doesn't want a committed guy. fuck this god dammit i dont know what i did to deserve more heartache than i can handle i feel so old sometimes not like the 24 year old i am. i dont know if god or whatever is trying to make me so jaded to the idea of love that i'll never truly be able to commit or what. whatever it is he/she/it is doing a damn good job.
i want to find a cave and crawl inside, i hurt like i've never before, EVER. i swear if i didn't have the kid i'd just move really far away and start over. i can't even take my mind off of her for a second. everything reminds me of her. EVERYTHING. it wasn't even a long relationship, but i feel like we had always been and always would be.
i dont know how you can go from "i'm never giving you up sean" to "i dont want to be with you" whats worse is that i wasn't sure if i was ready for the commitment but i took the plunge and found myself more in love than i had ever imagined. its like the moment i knew she became unsure. was i some terrible person in a previous life, what did i do to deserve this kind of hurt. i'm trying to look for the lesson but i'm not seeing it. you hear me god! why do you give me the most amazing person i've ever met and then take her away? do you even exist? i think that kind of logic makes more sense in a godless world. i dont know what to do... i dont want to live my life without her. she completed me like i've never felt. it was epic...
if this were Shakespeare i'd have flung myself from a tower by now
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