well this weekend sucked. friday night was fun at least thanks to beer and mario cart. other than that a failure is how its best described. sat we did have nice brownies (thanks sarah) then we waited and waited and never really did anything. its tough to explain i'll go into detail at another time. suffice to say i went to bed around 4 not drunk.
distracting myself isn't working as well as it should my mind is always drifting back. everything is a reminder, i want to hate these wonderful memories, cuz i am bitter and alone. but i can't and it would be immature, so instead i try to push them out and not think of them. the pain of remembering a day in SF hurts more than i can describe. makes me never want to go back there, all i would be able to think about is the best time i've ever had in the city. thats just one example, the list goes on. i dont know what to do. i'm hoping time will let me be ok with me. right now i miss so much the fun and energy. my life was better off for a brief bit.
i feel like everything is falling apart on me... crumbling at my feet. i'm thinking about going to san diego labor day weekend just to get away and be with some fun people. i dont know if that will help at all but we'll see.
i'm so nervous about going back to school. i just realized that i have no idea where my classes are or what the fuck i'm doing. i'm so overwhelmed by it i'm thinking maybe i should have taken two instead of 3 classes. its too late at this point we'll see what happens. although i am super excited to take computer animation.
maybe my life has been deconstructing its self to give me time for school. although i can't see where the love of an amazing woman would be anything but motivation...
but thats just me. i view love differently than some i guess, never as a burden, always welcome no matter what direction your life is. because if love is right you can make anything work... no matter what. i also know that love isn't easy, and relationships are harder. but they're worth it, true love is always worth it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment